ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
