Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
