He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
