I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
