i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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