Plan B is the new Plan A
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
