I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
