you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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