well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
