oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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