if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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