wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
