Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
