somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
