Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
