He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
