Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
its liver damage thursday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
