i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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