I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
