Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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