There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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