How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
