Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
