you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
