Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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