Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
