Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
