I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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