If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
