you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
