mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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