and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she pinky promised me she was 18
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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