If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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