At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's the barista slut.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
