I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
