Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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