Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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