is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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