I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
