Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
