Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
