8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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