so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
