Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
