You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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