Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
