I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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