thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
