Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
