i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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