I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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