i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
