oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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