I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
