whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
